I’ve always thought of myself as a well-adjusted person in the body image department. I constantly see people around me (especially girls / women) obsessing over their bodies, and I never bought into the idea (whether consciously or subconsciously) that rail-thin = beautiful.
But I think it’s too easy to just dismiss it as bullshit, which is essentially what I think of the idea that anorexic bodies are attractive. Because no matter what I say, I realize that the media conditions us to believe that 36-24-36 is the ideal whether we say we buy into it or not.
I’m saying all this because the other day I stepped onto the scale and noticed that I’d lost five pounds since the last time I weighed myself, which was, like, over a year ago, and it actually made me happy. And that depressed me, because I’d convinced myself I was above all that obsessing-over-one’s-weight nonsense.
I dunno. I guess I’m just trying to say I’m more self-conscious than I thought I was. I’d rather be overweight and healthy than thin and miserable. Right now I’m probably thin to average.
And really, in the grand scheme of things, I don’t even think I have a right to consider my little insecurities problems, because they’re not. My dad sponsors a Sudanese child through one of those international relief organizations, and the other day I read this letter she wrote him saying thank you and God bless you and all that. That was right around the time that I was having my temporary weight obsession, and it was like a slap in the face.
I know it’s beyond cliché to say ‘Oh there was this one time I wished I were skinny and then I remembered that there are starving children in Africa,’ but honestly, clichés are clichés for a reason, and I’m totally glad that I got some perspective at a time when I really needed it.
So now I’m back to my regular old ‘fuck weight scales, just enjoy that Nutella and maybe go running later’ self. But I’m not so high-and-mighty about it, which I guess is a good thing.
Dude, if this post were a movie, that one Christina Aguilera song that goes ‘You are beautiful, blah blah blah’ would totally start playing right about now. And then there would be a montage of scenes of the privileged, self-absorbed bitch seeing the error of her ways and going on to become Mother Teresa Jr. Annnd scene. Fade to black.
Kim
I so enjoy those “fuck weight scales, just enjoy that Nutella and maybe go running later” phases. I’ve been having one all year. But, I would still be grinning on the inside if I lost five pounds without even trying.
steph
I enjoy the “don’t do anything but drink water or juice and eat lots of things that are unhealthy for you” diet. I suppose I’m like most other people, though, but then I realize I’m not. I have run into so many people in college who are obsessed with going to the gym. Mostly guys. Guys who want muscles and to be this ideal image. And girls who just don’t eat anything because it might “have too many calories.”
I wouldn’t blame society. I’d blame the inability to question society.
ari
when you mentioned the montage of scenes, that song from team america started playing in my head: “show a lot of things happening at once / remind everyone of what’s going on / and with every shot you show a little improvement / to show it all would take too long / that’s called a montage.”
yes, i realize this was just a waste of space.
Nick
I think that was a great entry. I loved it. You write well.
Will you write me a personalized self-help book?
priscilla
Ha, you crack me up :) Speak it sister! What touchy feely entry wouldn’t be complete without an aguilera reference?
Drea
And suddenly the eyes of a million anorexic people open up…
ghimie
guys don’t want to be holding someone that’s bone thin. nasssty. everyone likes a lil booty, hahha. anyways, cool beans that you touched on that subject with such honesty.
alexis
ohh no! not beautiful!
a while back, i walked into my brother’s room to ask him something and he was chillin in the dark listening to that song.
i was like… uhm.. ..jon?