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sometimes i like to pretend this is an untamed forest... i hope you have a machete | intensify.org
 
2194 days ago

Sometimes I Like To Pretend This Is An Untamed Forest... I Hope You Have A Machete

December 16, 2008

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I had this Polish patient today and I swear to jeebus the first five letters of his name were ‘Szczy’. WHAT. And also, AWESOME. (Of course, it translated to ‘sh’.) Too bad I can’t just spell my name Kqcqwuon. And yesterday my roommate was reading a magazine and there was an article about the capital of Iceland and she asked me how to say it and I said RAKE-ya-vik because I think that’s how you say it but I really only know that because it was in a movie once. Before that I thought it was RAY-kuh-JAHV-ik. And then there was something in the article (the one my roommate was reading, you’re going to have to keep up a little better please because it’s only going to get worse) about the biggest city in New Zealand (I actually just typed ‘the capital of New Zealand’ but then I did a quick fact check and wiki’d it and it’s not; the capital of New Zealand is Wellington, like the boot) and she asked me how to say it and I said ‘AWK-land, but if you say it with a kiwi accent it kinda sounds like Oakland’ and the only reason I knew THAT was from that one episode of Full House where Stephanie and Michelle accidentally got on a plane somehow and they freaked out but then the flight attendant said the destination was ‘Auckland’ but Stephanie thought she said ‘Oakland’ as in really close to San Francisco. So they were right to freak out. I just realized that Mad Men is a play-on-words of ‘ad men’. How was your weekend mine was good I saw CSS the band play at the Metro and the lead singer is half Asian and when they played Reggae All Night I swear I heard the sound of a hundred hipsters creaming their pants because that song features not only a cowbell but also a keytar and if there is any way to charm a hipster it is with a keytar and a cowbell. Also they played Music Is My Hot Hot Sex of course and because and I like that song because every time I hear it it makes me simultaneously feel like a gangster and a porn star (when in real life I am only one of those things of course). Another thing that is totally meta is that yesterday on The Hills Heidi and Spencer were watching a video of themselves at their fake Mexican wedding (that’s not meta but wait) and I’ll bet you probably a hundred dollars that they were also watching that episode of The Hills at that moment. Speidi watching footage of themselves watching footage of themselves? Totally… barfworthy, unsurprising, disgusting, irritating… annnnd meta. (That may be a list I have to add to over time. I also have to add ‘coxsackie virus’, ‘hot nodules’, ‘deep brain stimulation’, and ‘palatovaginal canal’ to the list of pornographic medical terms. P.S. The palatovaginal canal is in the cranium. My running joke, that no one else in anatomy seemed to find funny, was, ‘Is that where you skull-fuck someone?’ Hey-yo!) Man patient at the Salvation Army today: ‘I have eczema.’ Me: ‘Have you tried anything over-the-counter for it?’ Man: ‘Yeah.’ Me: ‘What?’ Man: ‘Vaseline. But they took it away.’ Me: ‘Who?’ Man: ‘The people here.’ Me: ‘Why?’ Man: ‘Cause they don’t want us to masturbate!’ Me: ’??’ Me: ‘Lol.’

Um so did you get all that? (Because clearly, it’s really important.)

Also, I just realized that ‘untamed forest’ sounds like an allusion to pubes. Great.


 

Comments


maxigumee

I don’t think I could tell somebody that they have coxsackie virus without laughing.


Chrissy

Wow, somehow I had NOT put that together (about Mad Men) before. Huh.


rack

It IS pronounced awk-land. Full House was totes wrong!


Kaylee

I can never correctly pronounce those names with letters that don’t count.

Also, you should NOT be knowing what is happening on The Hills.


Caitlin

Agree with rack ^
I live in New Zealand [Wellington (:] and it’s definitely awk-land.


Joseph

I can’t believe I read this post start to finish, without having to re-read any of it. Congratulations.


Courtney

It’s taking me a few minutes to write my comment because I’m laughing too hard. Where do you come UP with this??


Jon

I always thought Mad was short for Madison as in Madison Avenue where all the ad agencies were (are). Maybe it’s both…


Aamir

I’ve got a Computer Engineering teacher named Szczgielskey, haha.