Whiner

It rained all day today, but it was okay, because I was wearing my blue galoshes, and I stomped in every puddle.

I don’t really feel good about what I’m doing as far as my medical training. I’ll admit it, half of the reason why I want to be a doc is selfish, because taking care of other people makes ME feel good about myself and useful and validated, but at this point I don’t really know shit and all I can really do is talk to patients, and take their blood.

So really, I’m as much a doctor as I am a vampire. Without the photophobia and aversion to garlic.

Tomorrow I have my first overnight call, which means I’ll go to the hospital at 6:30am as usual, work all day, and stay overnight until after rounds on Saturday. It’ll be like a slumber party! Except with sick people instead of pubescent girls. And physical exams instead of pillow fights. And green scrubs instead of pink pajamas. And thirty hours of (potentially) torture instead of fifteen-ish hours of fun and (potentially) sexual experimentation.

Hey, remember that time I made really bad analogies?

Medicine slowly steals your former life from you. M1 year, you think you don’t have any free time. M2 year, you want to go back in time and kick your M1 self because you have even less free time. M3 year, you want to go back in time and kick your M2 self for kicking your M1 self for thinking you didn’t have any free time.

M4 year is supposedly like senior year of high school or college—easy-peasy, relatively speaking; the blowoff year. I never got senioritis though because (1) I was trying to get into college / medical school and (2) I always used protection. I mean, what?

Whatever. When I’m an intern I’m gonna read this and laugh because interns are really the ones who get shat on in terms of having no free time and getting no respect. At least as students we’re so stupid and inexperienced that it’s cute and funny; for interns, they’re still relatively inexperienced, but the difference is, they’re actually EXPECTED to take care of patients whereas students are just expected to ooh and aah and ask lots of stupid questions.

Which I’m doing, so I guess I’m on the right track.