Remember That Time I Felt Bad About Not Posting In Over A Week And Then Overcompensated With Too Many Paragraphs?

Weirdest dream last night. Two words: Vegan porn.

Dude, I don’t even know.

It’s time for a Year In Review, isn’t it? Here’s mine: med school, med school, angry, med school, almost failing out of med school, Korea, med school, riding my bike, cutting bad people out of my life and making room for new friends, Boston, my first funeral attended, my first wedding attended, med school, doing the casual dating thing and deciding it’s pretty much balls because I’d rather hang out with my friends, exploring Chicago, med school, eating good food, med school… and tings of dat nature.

Does this ever happen to you?: I watched Heathers the other day (I DON’T PATRONIZE BUNNY RABBITS!) and Winona Ryder is in it, and young, and then like the next day I watched The Ten and Winona Ryder is in it, but older (but still hot), and it was like, whoa lady you aged twenty years overnight. And now I’m watching Girl, Interrupted on TV and our girl Winona’s there too. And it’s doubly weird because I just finished My So-Called Life and Jared Leto is in Girl, Interrupted too and my brain is just like whoa, major mesh-age of character face peoples!

And does THIS ever happen to you?: You read a book or watch a movie or a television series, but like YEARS after everyone else, and you’re all excited and you want to talk about it but you can’t because everyone else saw it when it ACTUALLY came out 13 years ago? (And did I just steal a Jim Gaffigan bit? I think so. I knew that was too good an idea to come from my own head.)

Anyway. I guess that’s why I have this journal. Because I can ramble about MSCL and the beautifulness (physical, of course—his personality kind of sucks) that is Jordan Catalano. I don’t know about yours but they did NOT make boys that pretty at my high school. Maybe because we had block scheduling. I don’t know. Anywho. The season/series finale was very unsatisfying to me. In my mind, it wasn’t even a show, it was, like, real people living in the Angela Chase-iverse. Like, somewhere right now, Brian and Sharon are married (come on, you know you wanted them to get together!), Angela is like an English professor at some liberal arts college or something, Jordan is in a mildly popular alternative rock band with his brother (oh wait…), Rayanne is passed out in a ditch, Ricky is an artist living with his interior designer boyfriend and their adopted daughter in SoHo, Mr and Mrs Chase are having sex (srsly, was it me or did they have sex in every episode? Jeez. I mean, fine if you want to dispel the notion that parent-types don’t get busy, but… hello overkill, meet Winnie Holzman)...

Yesterday I bought a replacement part for my bike bag called a ‘male clip’ which is disappointingly not as interesting as it sounds. It’s just the thing that goes into the other thing to make the thing stay attached. What? I mean this.

Speaking of assigning genders to inanimate objects… I’m going to Arizona next week. Wait, wait for it: if Florida is America’s wang, does that mean that the Grand Canyon is America’s cooch? (I mean, speaking strictly in terms of general morphology, not proportionally… obv the GC is way smaller than Florida, and trying to fit that shit in would be like, a black guy with gigantism trying to do P-in-V sex with an Asian midget.)

I’m wearing socks with flying pigs on them! Wouldn’t it be awesome if I said something really outlandish, and then someone else scoffed and said, ‘Scoff, yeah, when PIGS fly!’ and then I just like whipped off my pants (or I guess lifted up my pant legs), shoved my foot in his or her face, and said ‘BOOYAH! Get building, you chocolate bitch’? (Because the outlandish something I said was, ‘Will you build me a bed entirely out of chocolate?’)

The former Prime Minister of Pakistan was assassinated yesterday. Three thoughts: (1) Yeah, I totally had no idea who that was two days ago. I’m culturally ignorant, blah blah blah. (2) Seeing as how I did not actually know of this person and am therefore clearly NOT speaking as to the quality of her character whatsoever, I feel I can say that it is quite awesome that an anagram for her surname is BUTT HO. And you don’t even have to work that hard to make it, just move one little H and add in a space. Simply awesome. (3) I am continually shocked at just how conservative and narrow-minded the US as a whole really is. A Muslim nation (you know, the terrorists? The evildoers who hate America and Jesus and goodness and puppies?) has a woman as its head of government a decade before a non-white, non-penis-bearing citizen does in the land of opportunity?

Vegan porn.